["Spiegel im Spiegel" plays]
Hey, Gerry, the path.
-God. It is so... -[Urinating]
Yeah. It is really nice, man.
Fresh air.
-You ready? -Nope.
-Hi, guys. -Hey.
Hiking moms on the trail?
It's just gonna be. It's all tourists up there.
Well, how far is the thing?
We're halfway there. Let's go this way, man.
Everything's gonna lead to the same place.
-Just loop around? -Yeah.
Do our own fresh route?
I can't believe that, like,
fucking fanny packs and sing-alongs
the whole way to the thing.
[Both laugh]
[Singing softly]
[Laughs]
[Both laughing]
[Both breathing heavily]
[Exhales deeply]
[Breathing heavily]
[Laughs]
[Exhales deeply]
Fuck it, dude. Fuck this.
-Fuck the thing? -Fuck the thing.
Power on to the thing!
-Fuck the thing. -Fuck the thing!
[Both breathing heavily]
It's just gonna be a fuckin' thing at the end.
-Fuck the thing! -Fuck the thing.
Let's go back.
Fuck the thing.
[Spits]
Hey, is this the way we...
Yeah. That's it. Right?
Yeah.
Hold on. Is this the way we were going?
-Yeah. This is it. -Yeah.
So...
She thought it was a "Y"?
-Who? The contestant? -Yeah.
Yep.
She had every letter except for the "L".
She had "B-A-R-R-E," blank, "l-N-G
down the road."
"B-A-R-R-E," blank, "l-N-G down the road."
And all she had was "L" for "barreling down the road."
And they were like, "Do you want to solve the puzzle?"
Because you have to when...
When you have one letter left, you have to solve.
You're not allowed... [Laughs]
Because you're only spinning to drive up your earnings.
Right.
So it's like cheating if there's only one letter left.
And so they told her to solve it, and she said...
"Barreying down the road?"
[Both laugh]
And there's this really uncomfortable pause,
and Sajak was like, "No.
Kenny?"
And the next dude did it.
But for zero dollars because he couldn't spin.
He was just like, "Barreling down the road."
I hate you.
[Both laugh]
-Not really, though, right? -Not really.
It's just really hot on my front and really cold on my back.
There's a man perched on the ledge...
10 feet in front of us.
Don't look.
I see you, man.
Do you hear that?
There's a lot of dinosaurs near here.
I conquered Thebes.
When?
[Inhales deeply]
Two weeks ago.
How'd you do it?
Well, I got... I did more than that, actually.
I said to Gerry... [Clears throat]
"I ruled this land for 97 years, and..."
"...and I'd like it."
I had all the sanctuaries built, and then I...
This hot lava leaked out of a volcano
and half destroyed my sanctuary to Demeter, I guess it was.
And...
But I didn't have the marble to rebuild, like, the sculptures
and that to fix the sanctuary.
But I already had all these docks
to, like, Calydon and Argos and...
I had everything. Everything.
I was trading with, like, 12 cities
and...
I had a really good army.
But the river had just flooded.
And it flooded out, like, four of my docks,
and I couldn't import the marble to rebuild the sanctuary.
Demeter got pissed off, and she made my fields infertile.
And then...
So I couldn't grow the grass.
I couldn't grow the wheat to feed the horses.
And there was no... I couldn't...
And there was nowhere for the sheep to graze.
And some of my people were growing hungry and restless,
and then...
And I couldn't trade because the rivers had flooded.
And so, Knossos, one of my vassals,
got really upset with me and turned against me.
And they... attacked me.
And because I couldn't train any sheep
'cause I didn't have the wheat.
I didn't have...
I didn't have a, um, a...
You couldn't train sheep?
I couldn't train the horses because I didn't have wheat.
And so when they attacked me, they just dogged me.
And I actually went to send my army out to defend the city,
and you can only send them out if you have 12 trained horses,
and I had 11.
So I was one horse shy...
of almost saving my city.
So then you didn't really...
Oh, I had just conquered Thebes, and then that happened.
All right.
You go to that one, and I'll go to this one.
All right.
[Grunts]
Hey.
You see anything?
Big hills.
Yeah.
Uh, re-split up.
All right.
All right, see the ravine?
Yeah.
That's the spot.
So you go to the next one, I'll go to the next one.
If you don't find anything, we meet back right there.
If you find something, fuck the spot, I'll find you.
Higher hilltop, meet at spot. Or fuck the spot, wait there.
-Yeah. -Roger.
Gerry!
[Sighs]
[Echoing] Gerry! Gerry!
Hey!
Hey.
What are you doing?
What?
You're supposed to go on a high-hill scout-about.
You're on a rock in a canyon.
I did.
Yeah, did you see anything?
No, did you?
No.
Well, what are you doing on the rock?
Looking for you.
Why didn't you just go to the spot?
I did. You weren't there.
I've been there. I was just sitting there.
Dude, that's not the spot.
The spot is, like, a half of a mile that way.
I was at the spot. I was waiting for you forever.
I was yelling your name.
And I just came walking up here, and I saw the rock.
I crow's-nested up here to scout-about the ravine
'cause I thought maybe you gerried the rendezvous.
Sure enough, I mean, that's not the spot.
All right, my fault.
[Laughs]
Well, if you had assumed that,
then you should've gone to the top of my mountain
because the whole plan was
if one guy finds something, then you go to his mountain.
No, I know the plan,
but I saw you coming down when I was on the way down,
and when you never showed up, I thought maybe you'd succumbed.
I almost did succumb, but then I turbaned up,
and I feel a lot better.
Come on, dude, let's go.
I can't.
Why not?
Fucking marooned.
Come on.
You're not rock-marooned. Just climb down.
But I am rock-marooned. I can't climb down.
I'm gonna have to jump.
Hold on.
How do you get up to that part?
Scramble.
[Rocks rolling]
Jesus.
[Grunts]
How the fuck did you get up here?
Such a bear.
I think you gotta jump.
I can't jump, I'll break my ankle.
You'll have to barrel out of here and get help,
and I'll just be sitting there.
[Sighing] All right, I'll jump.
No, no, no, no.
You're gonna twist an ankle or something,
and then we're fucked.
[Clears throat] Well...
Is it really crumbly there?
Like, the ledge?
Yeah.
I mean, I could try and...
Why don't you make me a dirt mattress?
No, Gerry.
Come on, dude, I crow's-nested all the way up here
to scout-about the ravine 'cause you gerried the rendezvous.
[Laughs]
If I hadn't we'd be split. We'd still be re-split.
Dude, just jump. You'll be all right.
I won't be all right, Gerry.
[Both laughing]
Well, I could try and break your fall.
[Rocks rolling]
-Jump on your head? -Like the circus, dude.
No, not on my head, with my arms.
Didn't you ever go to Barnum's, dude?
They have a fat guy.
He's got huge arms, and he catches people
from, like, 50 feet.
All right, you ready?
No, I'm gonna break your arms.
Just make me a dirt mattress.
-Where do you want it? -Right there.
All right.
[Whistling]
Well, I gotta haul the dirt.
Well, get hauling.
I can haul it from over here.
-Shirt basket? -Shirt basket.
Yeah, it's crumbly.
-Is it soft? -Yeah, soft.
It's like... It feels hard, but it's...
You know, it's like dust.
Yeah.
You're gonna take forever, Gerry.
I'll get all this stuff up to it also.
I mean, all you really need is, like, a two-by-two...
like, air-ram dirt mattress.
Just to put your feet 'cause that'll cushion it,
and then you'll probably fall forward.
So if I clear, like, your head area...
and then make, like, a little, like, a dirt box.
You know how to rig that?
Yeah.
See, this is already, like, a foot.
If I can get it to, like, two feet...
And that's a good angle, right? Think you can hit that, right?
I mean, I'm not done yet, but, I mean, you...
-Where it is, is good. -Yeah.
Ah, that's great.
You really only need it to hit with two feet in one spot.
So if we can get the spot,
and if you can hit it, that's all the cushion you need.
How's that?
No?
Look, it's not gonna be comfortable,
but it's not a knee-breaker.
How many feet do you think it is?
150.
[Laughing]
It's what?
Here, I'll get more, I'll get more.
That's pretty good.
I don't know if I can do it.
[Exhales sharply]
You okay?
Yeah. [Breathing heavily]
What time do you think it is?
That was far.
Here.
Animal tracks.
Follow these to water.
Animals have to know where the water is out here.
Then we follow them to the water,
and we just drink our faces up.
Or else they go to the mating grounds, you know, and...
And then they mate, and they get thirsty,
and they come back.
All right, but, I mean, I...
Yeah.
We don't know how far the water is, though.
And I don't think we should abandon the higher-ground idea,
'cause it was a good idea.
And that was a rolling hills scout-about.
And if we go on a mountain, like, crow's-nesting,
like that mountain over there...
Yeah, but...
We know where the water is now.
We could just go there, and then get water
and then go on our mountain, the mountaintop scout-about,
after we've gotten water.
I think the mountain's a better idea
because what if we go to the mating grounds
and they see us and they get self-conscious,
and then they don't mate?
Then we'll just...
And then they won't get thirsty...
Whichever way it is,
if we go there, and it's the mating grounds,
then we'll just watch them from a brush.
They won't know we're there, they won't have any body shame,
and they'll mate, and get thirsty,
and then they'll come back, and lead us to the water.
All right.
-[Both breathing heavily] -Fuck this.
I can't even see the tracks anymore.
Fuck 'em.
[Grunts]
[Breathing heavily]
Do you think we should just go over to that mountain?
Just stop crying, man.
Where you going?!
[Voice breaking] I don't know!
You wanna help?!
Fuck you.
[Exhales deeply]
We're walking north-northwest...
for...
a couple hours... a ways...
But that's been the way we've been walking the whole time.
I mean, it's been 30 hours of walking.
North-northwest.
-Okay? -Uh-huh.
We've gotta be fucking close to the highway.
Yeah. But we got lost.
I mean, we were going...
We walked our ways, and maybe it was north.
And then...
We came, we turned around, and...
We got off...
We started going straight back down the way we were going.
No, we didn't. No, no, no, no.
Before we turned around, we started going down the same way.
But we had turned before...
No, we didn't go the same fuckin' way.
We have not seen any of the stuff that we've seen.
We haven't passed anything that looks familiar.
Whatever our direction is, it's not south,
and it has not been south.
We veered off at a different point,
and when we started to come back,
to go back, we started back the exact same way.
But we didn't see anything that looked the same.
We could have just bailed early, you know.
There were so many gerrys along the way.
We took a... [Inhales sharply]
I mean, we started going back the same way,
and then we stopped and said it didn't look right,
and then we went to the right for a little while.
So we were going east, all right, which is a total gerry
because that's fucking a million miles to a road.
That's because we came up over the thing,
and we saw that whole layout.
There was nothing there. We didn't see anything.
And then in the morning...
In the morning, we walked north again.
In the morning, we... [Sighs]
In the morning, we definitely walked north.
And then we gerried off to the animal tracks,
which was east...
which was west, but it doesn't matter...
When we hit the tracks, we took a left,
which was going...
...which was going west.
But more importantly, when I got up, when we split up,
and I was walking up on my scout-about,
I was looking into the sun, which means that it was east.
Um...
So, and then, when I was on the rock,
and I was looking at you, the sun was...
When we came down, we went in that direction.
That means we were going east, and we walked for a long time.
And our scout-about was east, so we gerried the scout-about.
We went up the wrong fuckin' mountain.
Okay?
So our direction's been north-northeast,
but if we spin the fucker
and just go north, balls-out north,
we're gonna hit the fuckin' highway
because we can't go south.
South is a fucking disaster for us.
It would take too fucking long to get there.
All right, then let's go north.
[Exhales deeply]
Come on, let's go.
We may as well just sit here.
You know why I think we should go?
Why?
Because I've got water.
Come on, don't fuckin' joke.
I'm not joking.
I found water.
I know exactly where the car is.
[Sobbing]
How?
Just figured it out.
It was another fuckin' mirage.
It was a mirage.
What are you doing?
I really wanted to...
walk up to you and say I had two bottles of water,
and that I knew where the car was.
Come on, we gotta go.
-Come on. -[Groans]
How do you think the hike's going so far?
[Chuckles]
Pretty good.
[Laughing]
I'm leaving.
[Choking]